First post: My friend collection

I’m taking my break from work to write my first real post (the last one was just a filler). I get so saturated with writing for work, that I need a place where I can write for myself. Now that I’m officially starting my new “secret blog,” I’ve decided to follow two simple rules:

1. This is not a multimedia blog; actual entries will only contain writing, although I might put in some hyperlinks to other websites that refer to things I’m talking about.

2. The goal is to write something — ANYTHING — every day.  So for the lucky few that know about this blog, feel free to check back daily, and scold me if I slack off.

 Now that the first order of business is out of the way, I can get to the real stuff.  I’ve been debating for the past few days what I should write about in my first post. And I’ve decided, unequivocally, that I should write a post about friends, which are perhaps the most amazing thing going on in my life right now. 

Ever since elementary school I have dreamed of having real friends — not just the people I could hang out with, but the people who are loyal, who really listen, who would value my friendship as much as I valued theirs. People who give and take, and don’t (intentionally or uninentionally) take advantage of me. My friends are the people I most deeply care about, and return the favor.

I have also found that I have very little respect for friendships that are merely based on convenience. There are a lot of people who have disappeared from my life – and I don’t begrudge that. But there are also a lot of people who I know will always keep in touch with, be it five years from now or fifty.  If I look at the friendships I’ve made over the past year, I think I’d consider myself the luckiest person in the world.  So for those of you who are reading this, thank you for making my dream come true.

 Here are my specific shout-outs:

 1. Angie, aka My Soul Sister

It must be fate that brought us together! If our boyfriends weren’t brothers, we would never have met in December 2006. (She’s since broken up with the dude, making our friendship seem even more fateful.) I have longed to have a best friend for all my life, and I have found her. In the few times we’ve been able to hang out we have become sisters — someone I can truly confide in, and I know we will always be there for each other.  She’s absolutely beautiful from the inside-out (guys beware) and I would do anything for her. I know that even when we’re old ladies we’re going to sit in a home getting senile together and still joke about the time we got drunk in a ghost town.

I really don’t think there’s anything else to say.  She’s going to be the bridesmaid at my wedding, simple as that.

2. John, aka My Alter-ego

John was originally a student of mine last Summer when I was a teaching assistant for Biopsych. He was one of two good students in a class of duds. He had a very quiet, imaginative personality, and I liked him from the start. He reminds me of a side of myself I don’t get to express very often. He always tried to help me through that painful hour of quiz section every week, which I appreciated. And then one fateful day after the quarter was over, I boarded the 271 bus and found him sitting there by himself. I sat next to him and we started chatting, and pretty much right then and there I think we decided to become friends. We started meeting up for teatimes on Thursdays, and he always listens patiently to my rants about life, love and family.  We are now starting to meet up on Sundays to write our famous novels together. And he made me chocolate raspberry truffles this past week — if that isn’t true friendship, I don’t know what is.

 3. Liz, aka Partner in Crime

I have built a solid friendship with Liz, although I have started to be cautious about setting up boundaries. For instance, out of all the people listed here, she is the one person who I won’t share this blog with. That’s because I want to be able to talk about her frankly, and I don’t think I can do that without getting in really big trouble … 

Don’t get me wrong … I love this girl to death. She’s become like family to me over the past year. I made friends with her through our coed softball time, and I was really there for her when she was going through a rough time in a relationship with one of the other players.  There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she appreciates me and our friendship.  She gives me the same courtesy of listening to me and my problems as I do for her.  And above all, I really have fun with Liz.  She took me a cocktail party for her soccer team, and we’re going to Vegas together next month.  We love to drink and dance together.  She gave me her couch and helped me move out of my old place.  She is an AWESOME friend.

But to be friends with Liz also means to invite a lot of drama into my life, which I have accepted and I’m learning to negotiate. The thing is, I don’t want to just validate her feelings whenever she gets mad, upset or annoyed at anything. So I’m setting up my boundaries, and am letting our friendship grow to a point where I feel like we are ready to be frank with one another. The thing that most scares me, is that I’m afraid I would hurt her feelings if there was ever a time I had to be downright honest.  Her friendship is very precious to me, but it can’t hold up if I can’t disagree with her behavior every once in a while.

Overall, I’ve decided that I can handle one friend with a lot of drama.  It certainly keeps life far from boring …

 4. Justin, aka The Friend from Home

Justin was also a student of mine when I taught high school the year after I graduated from Dartmouth. He was in my first period biology class, and he was always falling asleep in class with a huge can of Monster energy drink on his desk. I started becoming friends with Justin when I took on a part-time waitressing job at Sushi Rock; he was one of the cooks and I always poked my head into the kitchen and begged him to make me a Mac-nut chevre salad — I swear, to this day, it’s the best salad in the world.

 Two years after moving to Seattle I found out that Justin moved here too — followed a girl here, in fact, who ended up breaking his heart. We hung out almost every day for the first few weeks — tried to help him get on his feet with enrolling in community college and preparing his resume for finding jobs. Before I knew it he was a legit resident here, making his own way. I have always been amazed at his maturity and sense of himself and the world around him – he has grown so much from that kid in high school who always fell asleep in class.

He’s since gotten back together with that same girl who broke his heart … and I hope it works out for the best. Although being the protective mother goose that I am, I’m still a little suspicious of her. But if anything like that goes down again he knows I’ll always be here for him to help him through it.

 5. Eric R., aka The friend I’d date if circumstances were different

It’s rather funny — Eric was sort of like a celebrity to me when I was in college; we both knew a lot of the same people, and I even remember seeing him at Dartmouth Japan Society meetings, the tall guy wearing his bright red Nintendo sweatshirt. He was a guy I knew about but never had the opportunity to formally meet until the summer AFTER graduating — through a mutual friend, of course. I was in awe of Eric from the getgo — he struck me as a guy who just never held back from life.  Amazing personality, amazing sense of humor, and an oppenness about him that just fills up a room. He doesn’t hold himself back from love, either; it was no secret at the time that he was absolutely crazy about his then-girlfriend.

We hung out a bit that summer of 2004, but then sort of lost touch for a while — I went home and taught for a year, then went on to grad school, while he finished up college then went to Japan for two years to be a badass English teacher.  Then this past November I went back to Dartmouth for an alumnae event, and didn’t waste any opportunity to meet up with any old friends in the area — Eric included, who had come back home to the states after his long trip abroad.  We spent a whole day together just strolling around Hanover, catching up. With Eric, it’s so beautifully simple: I just really enjoy his company.  And then as we sat in Murphy’s drinking Long Trail Ales and chatting, the buzz got to my brain and it hit me: if circumstances were different, I’d totally date this guy.

And now the tables are turned … he’s single but I’m not, and we live thousands of miles away. And even though I might have the occasional dream or daydream about what dating him would be like, I understand reality is what it is, just the same as when I was single but he wasn’t.  Who knows what fate has yet in store, but for now I’m thrilled to call him my friend and still lavish him with my friendly affections. Whatever happens, I hope that his love is able to find the expression it so deserves.

Well that’s it for my hands-down Top 5 everyone!  Check back tomorrow for more shameless honesty …

~ by scriblscrabl on February 28, 2008.